Would someone please inform my family of this? Plz & thx.
1. How long you’ve been single. Three months is okay. Three years is okay. I’m currently coming up on five years of singledom — having completely redacted one relationship from the record. (I was feeling desperate.) If it keeps up, I’m just looking forward to my ten year reunion of singledom, where I can get drunk, wear a nametag with a fake name on it (Stinky Weaselteats, at your service), find out everyone I dated has ugly babies or got ugly and throw someone in a pool. I will be king of the singles.
2. The number of bad dates that you’ve had. Being bad at dating doesn’t make you a bad person, and sometimes it’s genuinely not your fault. Recently on OKCupid, my “Match” referred to the website’s dating algorithm as the “OKCupid fag hag” and an old beau told me that bisexuality was a “hippie new age affectation.”…
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